Life after Birth...a Dad's perspective

First, let me address something for any of the women out there who may actually read this...

This post does not in any way shape or form take away from what you all do. You make the world go round....YES I understand that I don't understand what you go through while giving birth. I (ALL MEN) can't fathom what it is like and for most of us, we greatly appreciate the sacrifices you make bringing our beautiful children into this world and everything you do after.

WITH THAT SAID...

Us Dads (New and "Experienced") go through some serious shit too...

Let me back up a bit first. I know I'm not like most men. This isn't a "I'm greater than everyone" perspective statement either....I just realize I'm a bit different.

I have wanted to be a father for a very long time. Those reasons, my own. But for a very long time I have dreamed of becoming a dad. I've also known well in advance that it isn't all RAINBOWS & SUNSHINE. How? Because I remember being a kid....HOLY HELL....what assholes....

So, knowing this and having this perspective, you would think becoming a dad would be fairly simple. Everything you here after your announce the pregnancy....

Things about how hard it is for the ladies (holy god I can't imagine) and how easy the guys have it. Even the negative comments (that DRIVE ME INSANE) from people who say that the men are useless blah blah blah.....(Well I wonder why....with those words of encouragement....who wouldn't be)

So months and months go by with anticipation of meeting your baby for the first time. You go through baby showers, assembling cribs, installing car seats (COULD THEY BE ANY FUCKING HARDER), helping paint and prep for the arrival etc.

So here's what I remember about becoming a dad...

The morning of. **PUSH PUSH** on my shoulder...
Me: "Ya, I'm up, I'm know I have a chiropractor appointment....I know"....yawns and lays there.....

My gorgeous, patient wife: "No, I don't think you're going. I think we're going to have the baby today."

Me: Immediately sits up in one fluid motion like he was never asleep and does 1,000's of sit ups daily (HE DOESN'T).....

***Men-I don't care if you've been asleep or wide awake, the question that came next you do not ask and SHOULD you in fact ask....be thankful that you have an amazing wife such as I....***

Me: "Are you sure?"..... I'm clearly alive and well as you're reading this post....

My Wife: "Yes, my water broke about an hour ago." Me: "Ok. How are you doing?" Wife: "Some contractions but not close yet."

Now in my defense of my next question, my clarity & alertness had immediately set in at this point and I knew we could be in for a LONG DAY....

Me: "Do I have time to take a quick shower?"

My Wife: "Ya I think so. We'll leave right after." Me: "Ok, I'll be real quick."

From there, I jumped literally In and Out of the shower. Got dressed, grabbed all of her stuff, packed clothes, chargers, iPad etc...loaded them into the truck and drove all off 5-10 minutes up the road to the hospital BECAUSE Olivia never turned....

The next hour or so seem to be a blur....checked in, brought to a room....nurses, numbers, words....

Finally our assigned Doctor comes in. Now let me preface that prior to this, multiple nurses had told us that due to needing a C-Section at this point, they didn't know how long we would be waiting. They literally told us, we may be waiting until noon, could be waiting until 5pm (it was between 7:30a & 9:00a at this point.....

So the Doctor comes in and introduces herself to us (it's around 9am at this point). The next words out of her mouth stopped me in my tracks....

"So how about we have ourselves a baby in 45 minutes to an hour?"...... Now yes, I've expressed that I couldn't wait to be a dad, we were clearly wanting to meet our little baby (never found out the gender for the first so we literally were finding out everything when the baby came) but when you mentally prepare that you may not have the baby for another 6 to 12 hours....and suddenly you're being told you're going to be holding your baby in less than an hour....YA SHIT GETS REAL.

So obviously I stayed calm on the outside, asked questions. Process, time it takes etc. The Doctor patiently answered everything and then ushered in the nurses to begin my wife's prep. I made a couple quick family phone calls to my parents (Very blessed that my mom was still around for this) and then put the phone away. The Doctor had one more question for us, actually for me. "Have you eaten breakfast?"

"Ah no actually, but I should be..." She immediately cut me off. "No, you need to go down stairs and eat a quick breakfast. Get something in you." As I started to open my mouth "We'll wait for you dad, we're not going anywhere without you." You don't have to tell me to eat twice and I immediately walked down to the cafeteria and ate the quickest big breakfast I think I've ever eaten. I literally was back by Tiffany's side within MAYBE 10 minutes max.

I walked by my wife's side holding her hand as they wheeled her down to the delivery room. As we got close the nurses pointed to two metal chairs facing the double doors that they would wheel her through. "We need to ask you to sit here while we begin your wife's prep. Someone will keep you posted and come get you when we're ready."

So the prep for a C-Section only takes about 30-45 minutes....when you're a husband who loves your wife and soon to be child.....this feels like ETERNITY....

I just sat there staring at these doors. Time just ticking away. Sitting there alone wondering if everyone and everything was ok. I was just staring into nothing thinking. Suddenly a familiar voice snapped me back "They just left you here?" she asked. "Would you mind some company?" and our Doctor proceeded to sit down with me. We talked about meeting the baby. Did we know the sex? "NO! So exciting. I'll let you do the honors!" and after some conversation, they came and called us in. I felt like I was immediately put onto a conveyor belt that automatically dresses you. I suddenly had all the Hospital/Medical attire on from head to toe and was holding Tiffanys hand. "Are you ok?" "How are you feeling?"

The Champ: "I feel great, they have some nice things easing my pain."....She was cute and smiley the entire time.

Finally the Doctor came to the side of the table on the other side of the Wizard of Oz curtain (Those of you who have gone through this know what I'm talking about) and proceeded to start. Every step of the way talking to everyone, specifically addressing us the parents.

Finally getting to a point where they're prepping to pull the baby out "Dad, we have two options. First you can watch everything from this point or second, once we get the baby out we can..." I cut her off this time "I'll watch."

They parted the curtain a little bit so Captain Short didn't have to stand on a stool or his toes. I proceeded to watch this amazing woman open up another amazing woman and begin the process of delivering our baby.

It was a bit of a blur but I do remember because the baby was breach, an arm and head came first. As soon as the head popped out the eyes opened. Everyone can tell me that babies don't open their eyes that quick and can't really see more than a few inches in front of them.....but we made eye contact and looked right at each other. I think by this point I had tears in my eyes and my mouth was hanging open (hopefully not drooling on my wife...).

They kept adjusting, and tugging.....and pulling until more body & limbs began to come out. Finally the last few inches popped out (along with a whole mess of stuff that if you honestly can't handle it guys....don't watch). I was so entranced but what I saw that none of it phased me.

We were just staring at each other for what felt like eternity. I suddenly realized the doctor and the nurses were all looking at me.....

The Doctor: "Well! Aren't you going to tell her?!" In my amazement, I got lost in my BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. I had one job, to tell my wife what we have! Ya....way to go....

Me to Tiffany: "WE HAVE A BABY GIRL!"

Me: "Olivia Jean Sheehy"

They cut the cord after a couple minutes of laying her on Mumma's chest.

I walked over with OLIVIA to the table, where they'd officially "trim the cord". Where dad gets to cut. They measured and weighed her. 19 inches, 6 lbs 11 oz of beautiful baby girl. They cleaned her up, got her a tiny diaper, wrapped her and put a baby cap on her. The nurse picked Olivia up and said "Your turn Daddy."

Holding my daughter for the first time is something that I will forever remember. It was my moment. 

I proceeded to walk back over to Tiff while they worked on her. We held each other for a moment, both with tears in our eyes. 

Then we put O back in the carrier/crib. The rest of the day was a blur but full of happiness and bliss. The next major thing I remember was walking out the of our room as my Mom, Dad & Aunt turned the corner walking to our room. I had already let them know that we had a happy healthy baby girl, Olivia Jean and that Mumma was doing well. Gave them a time to visit in a couple hours, that time finally arriving. She immediately started crying (Tears of Joy). I met her a few feet in front of the room, hugged her firmly. "How would you like to meet your granddaughter?" One of the greatest memories of my life.

We'd spend another day in the hospital with Tiffany recovering from the C-Section. Dads, understand that should you go through this, mom can't get out of bed much if at all.....so diapers + new born = you. If you ever need a crash course well....this is it. So we just hung out as a new family. Lots of cuddles with Mumma & Dada.

Those days were amazing and surreal...

The thing with going through all of this is that the range of feelings & emotions that (for me anyway) come up are at times surprising. I was home for the first two weeks because of the surgery (and honestly because I didn't want to be anywhere else).

There were many times though once we were home that I found myself feeling absolutely useless. Sure I changed diapers the first few days because Tiffany really couldn't be lifting anything including the baby until the recommended time had passed. Once she was up and moving, she began changing diapers on top of Breast Feeding.

Sure I cleaned, I waited on Mom & Olivia as much as possible but I still felt beyond useless at times. I was....the 3rd wheel....

It was hard at times to feel useless and not needed. Look I know that wasn't & isn't true but I still found myself feeling like that. For months to be honest because Olivia NEVER took a bottle.

The purpose of walking you through my memories of the birth of our first child is to showcase a few things.

First for the Men in the audience....

IT'S OK THE BE HUMAN. Feel. Live the experience. Cry. Smile and most importantly, LOVE. LOVE Your wife, your new child, the experience and LIFE in general. It's OK to embrace it all showcase this side of yourself. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong than most and for the men in your life who will make comments to you (you know who they are as you read this), that's on them, not you. If they aren't comfortable enough with themselves to embrace the moment and Live Life THOROUGHLY through LOVE then that's on them.

Embrace it Fellas.

Second, for the Women in the audience...

Please be patient with your men. Also, be conscious of the words you speak. For those of us who REALLY care, falling into the trap of what previous generations speak about their significant others.....(and I'm not making this stuff up, I'm speaking from first hand accounts of hearing women talk about men) can really impact them.

Believe it or not (because some of us have a lot of trouble expressing our feelings, another topic for another post) we do care and care a lot. We want to be useful. We want to know that we are in fact NOT useless. We want to know that we're good husbands, fathers and overall good men/human-beings. I'm not saying you need to say stuff every day but try your damnedest to shy away from the negative shit. Just because you don't say it directly to his face doesn't mean it hurts less or has less of an impact. It doesn't. Also, when you talk like that you have young boys (someday men) sometimes witnessing it and from experience, can really impact them in ways that you can not begin to fathom.

Back to the gentlemen who may still be reading at this point. Here's what I'll leave you with.

You're not useless, so remove those thoughts. It's OK to feel like you have NO GOD DAMN IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I have two kids and still feel like that at times.

The reality is, I do everything with my heart which means it all comes from a place of love. Sure I make mistakes, yell when I don't want to but if I continue to self coach and recognize it all then by default I will only become a better father. Do what your instincts tell you and trust your judgement. Learn from your mistakes and love unconditionally and trust me, you'll never fail.

At the end of the day when all is said and done....all your kids will want from you....

IS YOU. Make sure you give them YOU... even if YOU is a little.....ya know....out there....