Dear Newbies

I was recently preparing & confirming things for my best friends bachelor weekend that I've been planning while working on my best man speech for the wedding in Tulum, Mexico early next month and a number of thoughts popped up. Mostly good ones! Started reminiscing about our wedding back in June of 2011 and all that we went through to arrive at that date.

It got me thinking....man there are a lot of "experts" who shared their wisdom with us during the entire process leading up to the wedding AND of course when we learned we were pregnant with our first child. 

Then this post popped into my head....

First, let me start off by saying...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! VERY EXCITING TIMES!!!! Whether you're recently engaged, or about to/just got hitched or expecting your first.....AMAZING TIMES!!!! CONGRATS!

Now, let me be clear, never lose sight of that excitement. I say this because others will inevitably project themselves onto you. I know I know, that won't happen to you....you've laid the ground rules. You've put your foot down...great!

Well people will inevitably still force their thoughts & opinions down your throat so be ready.

And let me make this clear for everyone out there before I get started, it's not just men or just women. ALL PARTIES are guilty of this.

I've heard things ranging from "Happy Wife, Happy Life" to "There goes your freedom" to the real idiotic things like "YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW"...

I'm sorry, in what REALITY DOES THAT SOUND LIKE USEFUL ADVICE....I'll tell you! NONE!

Thank you, everyone who has EVER volunteered all of the wonderful, well spoken words of wisdom that has been bestowed upon me over the years...I TRULY appreciate it. Believe it or not, I'm actually not being sarcastic (for a minute at least), I'm thankful for all of this advice. I hold onto it EVERY DAY. As a reminder of how I must ALWAYS keep a purposeful perspective in life and in this case, my marriage. I refuse to let any of that happen and will fight til my dying day to keep it that way.

Sure things come and go in waves regarding our marriage, specially the first few months after the baby arrives. Cause ya know, birth, feeding, exhaustion etc etc etc. It eventually starts to get better and you (if you communicate well with your partner) will find a way to make anything and everything happen between the two of you.

Although I feel I've done fine (I think) after hearing these "words of wisdom" from relationship & parenting experts, I've witnessed things said to others and I've seen in the recipients faces how it clearly impacts many of them. There is ABSOLUTELY NO NEED to sling this shit at newly engaged/wed couples. SO STOP.

Also, stop projecting on others YOUR unhappiness and face YOUR reality because that is ALL you're doing. Also, let me sling some sage advice your way you miserable asshats.......DO something about it. Stop wallowing in what was and go make today what once was..... a reality once again! It's never too late to show love and allow yourself to be loved.

So did any of this really ever bother my wife and I? For me, I can say no when it comes to our relationship. Is every day rainbows & sunshine for us? NO of course not. For those that know us, we're both very strong willed & opinionated (probably both understatements) so we don't always see eye to eye. I think that is amazing because we keep each other in check in many ways and I think our relationship (although still has a lot of learning & growth yet to happen) is exceptionally strong because of it.

So all of the "words of wisdom"  also start coming out when you announce you're going to become parents. All similar B.S. from the "Life is over" to the "Better get your sleep now" to the "Say good bye to sex" and SOOOO MUCH MORE....

AGAIN to all the Captain Asshats slinging this exceptional advice to soon to be married couples and/or soon to be parents.....

PLEASE....and I mean this sincerely......SHUT THE FUCK UP

REALLY?! I should get my sleep in now? Do I get to store it in a bank that I wasn't made aware of??? Please life expert, tell me your ways.....

Look, is being in a relationship, marriage or parenting easy? NO. Should we sling crap like this around? AH.... HELL NO! Everyone's life is different and just because some other idiot may be miserable DOESN'T mean yours will be that way. So newbies, don't listen to it. 

My sage advice is this....(Ironic I'm now volunteering advice I know but stay with me) for all of the soon to be Newlyweds or now Married couples and/or Parents out there....FIRST, someone else's life & experience doesn't mean yours will be the same as theirs....EVER.

YOU make YOUR life. Focus on improving yourself first, communicating with your loved ones second, the rest will follow. The key is, it takes work. Sometimes, its really hard and trying (exhausting too). But those are just small little bumps that you won't remember years from now. If you do, they'll be remembered because they help you stay focused. That's what I use them for.

Also, SLOW down, enjoy every minute because some of it goes by in an instant. Embrace it all. Embrace the good, Embrace the lessons you can learn during the difficult and never lose sight of love. Love is the binding force that keeps it all together.

Be humble. You don't know everything and neither does your partner in crime. You'll both make mistakes, you'll both learn, you'll both want to do what's right, you'll both be tired, run down, helpless & countless other feelings & emotions. The key, is that you're BOTH going through it TOGETHER and if you focus on the LOVE, the rest will continue to shine through.

Focus on YOUR life, YOUR marriage, YOUR Children, YOURSELF (This last one should actually be first FYI). I'm not saying shut down all of your Social Media & become a hermit because they are amazing platforms for keeping in touch, reconnecting with long lost friends, communicating with one another & expressing views/opinions etc.

That said, it should never go beyond that. Take the photos at face value. Sadness, loneliness & heartbreak are only a Happy Photo away from reality.

It's very easy to compare your current situation & life to others. More so today than ever before (thank you Facebook) so again, stop. I love the photo above that I posted to Instagram a while back because life isn't perfect and sometimes that's not what we show. My poor boy for the first 6-10 months of his life HATED sleeping and going to bed.....luckily we're past this now.....but again, LIFE ISN'T PERFECT.....

Please remember this and judge your life based on....well....your life.

Finally, to the generous "Wisdom Givers" out there....

Although we all greatly appreciate your "Sage Advice" that you throw around like darts on a dart board....stop. Say something positive & encouraging. Your mishaps, failures & issues don't need to be projected on others.

For all of the Soon to be's & Current newlyweds & parents. Enjoy the ride. All of it.

When it comes to becoming a parent, nothing, NOT ONE PIECE OF ADVICE OR DESCRIPTION OF WHAT IT'S LIKE that you will receive can properly describe how you will feel. It is nearly indescribable in my mind. I've had expecting moms & dads in the past ask, "What's it like" and that is roughly my response. The birth of my children are two of the greatest moments in my life and I can barely explain them at the same time. So just embrace it, slow it all down as much as you can and try to remember even the slightest of details because that's what I hold onto. Those are the things that keep me going. The first time I heard the words "Dada" or how my daughter Olivia says to me "I love you too Dada" and countless other moments that I have with them, make it all worth it. That's what you hold on to.

Will it be trying at times? YES. Will you have nights of exhaustion & frustration, YES. Also remember that you and all parties involved are human and just trying to figure things out. Don't let it build up to anything more than that.

Life is too short to focus on that stuff...

Bottom line, we don't know what tomorrow will bring but Today, Today is right here in front of us.

Breathe slowly & deeply, take what you can in, Smile & Enjoy the ride.