Blog Post
My Olivia
- By Ryan Sheehy
- •
- 08 Jun, 2016
- •
A letter to my daughter
Dear Olivia,
You saved my life.
I hope sometime later in life, when you're old enough, you'll be able to read this.
First, let me back up to when you finally arrived and blessed this family.
I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. Your mother had been boiling cloth diapers the day before, it had been very warm and The President had flown into town and was causing major traffic jams. Your mom doesn't like traffic jams. She's also an amazingly hard worker so she was prepping for your arrival almost every single day & night.
We joked the night before that hopefully all the stress & work wouldn't bring you to us too early...
So we finished our Friday night watching TV, hanging out and boiling diapers. I had a Chiropractic appointment early Saturday morning so I wasn't staying up too late.
Saturday comes and I awake to your mom nudging me (which I thought was weird because I'm always up before your mom). I hear "Ryan, wake up."
I respond "I know I know, I have the chiropractor." not knowing what time it was....(It was about 6:30a in the morning, my appointment was sometime after 8am).
Your amazing mom responds with and I will never forget, "No, I think we're going to have the baby today. My water broke."
In an instant, I was sitting up and awake. Now, in my defense I was still a little disorientated and the next words out of my mouth are not entirely my fault "Are you sure?" I asked.....
Look, I went to all the classes with your mom, read a few books. I knew what it meant but that Saturday was 2 & a half weeks early.....and well, holy crap.
Your mom proceeded to tell me her water broke almost a couple hours before she woke me up and she had waited a little bit because she wasn't having many contractions yet.
She by this time had spoken to our midwife and they decided it was time to go to the hospital. We had hoped to have a natural birth with you but we learned early, you tend to be set in your ways & had your own plans (still remains true today).
So I took a quick shower (Yes I asked your mom if it was ok first...), packed some clothes, grab all of your soon to be things & your moms stuff and off we went. We arrived at Wentworth-Douglas Hospital around 7:30a, got checked in and went up to the Maternity ward. We spoke with some nurses, were informed they didn't know when we'd be getting in and that we could be waiting until late afternoon, 5pm perhaps depending on how busy the doctor may be.
Some time passed and we were informed the doctor would soon be by to check in on mom & baby and have a conversation with us.
Once the doctor came in, we started discussing some things and suddenly things changed quickly. "How would you like to have a baby around 10am?"
It's about 8:30a at this point and I had been previously told it may be a while. Now the Doctor is telling us in less than two hours I'm going to be a father.
I was speechless.
Things felt like they started happening quickly at this point. Nurses started coming in and out, prepping your mom. While this began, the Doctor begins to talk to me.
I'm thinking "Why do you have any interest in me right now?".
"Do you plan to be in the delivery room?" Without hesitation "Of course!".
Doctor "Have you had breakfast?" I thought briefly "No I haven't had a chance."
Doctor "Go down stairs & have a good breakfast. We'll wait"
My wife, nurses & what felt like the entire hospital just turned and looked at me. Needless to say, I headed down to the hospital cafeteria....
Now I eat fast, but this day, I sprinted all the way to the cafeteria, basically just ate my plate of food (and maybe the plate? I'm not sure) as I went through the line and sprinted back up to the room where your mom, the Doctor & nursers were finishing the prep.
They began to wheel your mom to the operating room and as we reached the double doors leading to the room I was asked to sit and wait at these two chairs while they brought your mom in for the final prep including her spinal tap (You're mom is my hero in an infinite amount of ways).
For some reason time suddenly came to a stand still. There I was, sitting a lone, staring at two doors to my future wondering if my wife & future child were ok. I had all of these thoughts rushing through my mind and suddenly a voice interrupted my thoughts.
The Doctor had turned the corner to see me sitting there alone "They left you here by yourself?" as she sits down right next to me. We talked about family, how excited and nervous we were. She calmed me down by explaining the process and clarifying how much of it I wanted to witness (They are pretty honest, it's not all rainbows & sunshine behind the curtain kiddo. I didn't miss a second of it).
Suddenly she got the ok and she looked at me and said "Come with me, it's time."
"The nurses will take care of you and the next time we speak I will ask you to stand up so you can watch your child come into this world. Sound good?"
I think all I could muster was a nod.
My emotions come in waves and we had at this point been through a roller coaster. Your mom and I had been engaged, your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, we got married, 6 months later we are expecting our first child and now today.....9ish months later (2 weeks early....really?!)
While all of these thoughts & emotions flew through my head the nurses helped me get ready. Gown, cap, gloves, mask and a stool next to your mom behind the Wizard of OZ curtain.
The surgery began and I just held your moms hand. She was so amazing Olivia. Calm, focused and eager to finally meet you. Suddenly the Doctor called to me "Ryan, it's time. Would you like to watch."
Without an ounce of hesitation I kissed your mom and stood up. Now I won't get too graphic but I could see them working on your mom while they worked on getting to you. I watched in awe as they worked their way to you. Suddenly, I saw your hand, your arm and then your shoulder.
The Doctor & nurse made a couple moves and then she grabbed and gently pulled you out of your mom.
Now the professionals say that babies don't see or smile during the first few months of life.
I know what I saw that day.
When the Doctor pulled you out you were facing directly at me with your eyes open looking right at me and you smiled.
You didn't cry, just kind of made some whimpering noises and that was it. You were happy, healthy and bright eyed. You were there, being held by the Doctor above your mom.
I was just staring at you and you were just looking back at me. I should say that we never found out whether we were having a boy or a girl ahead of time (even though both your mom and I knew you were a girl in our minds..... we didn't officially know).
So the key part here is that I was supposed to announce whether we had a boy or a girl. I was in such an awe struck stupor that I just stood there, frozen. Not realizing that literally EVERYONE was staring at me waiting. One of the nurses finally leans over to me "Aren't you going to tell her?" (I'm not exaggerating, I think I was about a second away from getting smacked on the back of my head)
I immediately turned back to your mom "WE HAVE A BABY GIRL! OLIVIA JEAN!!!" We both started crying (Happy Cries of course).
You saved my life.
I hope sometime later in life, when you're old enough, you'll be able to read this.
First, let me back up to when you finally arrived and blessed this family.
I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. Your mother had been boiling cloth diapers the day before, it had been very warm and The President had flown into town and was causing major traffic jams. Your mom doesn't like traffic jams. She's also an amazingly hard worker so she was prepping for your arrival almost every single day & night.
We joked the night before that hopefully all the stress & work wouldn't bring you to us too early...
So we finished our Friday night watching TV, hanging out and boiling diapers. I had a Chiropractic appointment early Saturday morning so I wasn't staying up too late.
Saturday comes and I awake to your mom nudging me (which I thought was weird because I'm always up before your mom). I hear "Ryan, wake up."
I respond "I know I know, I have the chiropractor." not knowing what time it was....(It was about 6:30a in the morning, my appointment was sometime after 8am).
Your amazing mom responds with and I will never forget, "No, I think we're going to have the baby today. My water broke."
In an instant, I was sitting up and awake. Now, in my defense I was still a little disorientated and the next words out of my mouth are not entirely my fault "Are you sure?" I asked.....
Look, I went to all the classes with your mom, read a few books. I knew what it meant but that Saturday was 2 & a half weeks early.....and well, holy crap.
Your mom proceeded to tell me her water broke almost a couple hours before she woke me up and she had waited a little bit because she wasn't having many contractions yet.
She by this time had spoken to our midwife and they decided it was time to go to the hospital. We had hoped to have a natural birth with you but we learned early, you tend to be set in your ways & had your own plans (still remains true today).
So I took a quick shower (Yes I asked your mom if it was ok first...), packed some clothes, grab all of your soon to be things & your moms stuff and off we went. We arrived at Wentworth-Douglas Hospital around 7:30a, got checked in and went up to the Maternity ward. We spoke with some nurses, were informed they didn't know when we'd be getting in and that we could be waiting until late afternoon, 5pm perhaps depending on how busy the doctor may be.
Some time passed and we were informed the doctor would soon be by to check in on mom & baby and have a conversation with us.
Once the doctor came in, we started discussing some things and suddenly things changed quickly. "How would you like to have a baby around 10am?"
It's about 8:30a at this point and I had been previously told it may be a while. Now the Doctor is telling us in less than two hours I'm going to be a father.
I was speechless.
Things felt like they started happening quickly at this point. Nurses started coming in and out, prepping your mom. While this began, the Doctor begins to talk to me.
I'm thinking "Why do you have any interest in me right now?".
"Do you plan to be in the delivery room?" Without hesitation "Of course!".
Doctor "Have you had breakfast?" I thought briefly "No I haven't had a chance."
Doctor "Go down stairs & have a good breakfast. We'll wait"
My wife, nurses & what felt like the entire hospital just turned and looked at me. Needless to say, I headed down to the hospital cafeteria....
Now I eat fast, but this day, I sprinted all the way to the cafeteria, basically just ate my plate of food (and maybe the plate? I'm not sure) as I went through the line and sprinted back up to the room where your mom, the Doctor & nursers were finishing the prep.
They began to wheel your mom to the operating room and as we reached the double doors leading to the room I was asked to sit and wait at these two chairs while they brought your mom in for the final prep including her spinal tap (You're mom is my hero in an infinite amount of ways).
For some reason time suddenly came to a stand still. There I was, sitting a lone, staring at two doors to my future wondering if my wife & future child were ok. I had all of these thoughts rushing through my mind and suddenly a voice interrupted my thoughts.
The Doctor had turned the corner to see me sitting there alone "They left you here by yourself?" as she sits down right next to me. We talked about family, how excited and nervous we were. She calmed me down by explaining the process and clarifying how much of it I wanted to witness (They are pretty honest, it's not all rainbows & sunshine behind the curtain kiddo. I didn't miss a second of it).
Suddenly she got the ok and she looked at me and said "Come with me, it's time."
"The nurses will take care of you and the next time we speak I will ask you to stand up so you can watch your child come into this world. Sound good?"
I think all I could muster was a nod.
My emotions come in waves and we had at this point been through a roller coaster. Your mom and I had been engaged, your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, we got married, 6 months later we are expecting our first child and now today.....9ish months later (2 weeks early....really?!)
While all of these thoughts & emotions flew through my head the nurses helped me get ready. Gown, cap, gloves, mask and a stool next to your mom behind the Wizard of OZ curtain.
The surgery began and I just held your moms hand. She was so amazing Olivia. Calm, focused and eager to finally meet you. Suddenly the Doctor called to me "Ryan, it's time. Would you like to watch."
Without an ounce of hesitation I kissed your mom and stood up. Now I won't get too graphic but I could see them working on your mom while they worked on getting to you. I watched in awe as they worked their way to you. Suddenly, I saw your hand, your arm and then your shoulder.
The Doctor & nurse made a couple moves and then she grabbed and gently pulled you out of your mom.
Now the professionals say that babies don't see or smile during the first few months of life.
I know what I saw that day.
When the Doctor pulled you out you were facing directly at me with your eyes open looking right at me and you smiled.
You didn't cry, just kind of made some whimpering noises and that was it. You were happy, healthy and bright eyed. You were there, being held by the Doctor above your mom.
I was just staring at you and you were just looking back at me. I should say that we never found out whether we were having a boy or a girl ahead of time (even though both your mom and I knew you were a girl in our minds..... we didn't officially know).
So the key part here is that I was supposed to announce whether we had a boy or a girl. I was in such an awe struck stupor that I just stood there, frozen. Not realizing that literally EVERYONE was staring at me waiting. One of the nurses finally leans over to me "Aren't you going to tell her?" (I'm not exaggerating, I think I was about a second away from getting smacked on the back of my head)
I immediately turned back to your mom "WE HAVE A BABY GIRL! OLIVIA JEAN!!!" We both started crying (Happy Cries of course).
You and your Muma were the two most beautiful things I've ever laid my eyes on. I never knew the depth of love I felt for you could ever exist, yet here you were.
So why tell you all of this? I think about this day a lot. There are many reasons why, some are my own. Others, one specifically, I want to share with you today.
On January 7th, 2014, your amazing, beautiful & loving grandmother (My mom) lost her 3 and a half year battle with cancer.
When I say she loved you, I'm not properly expressing how much she adored you. The fact that she was not only able to meet you, but watch you grow, begin to talk & interact with you and see your first birthday is a blessing beyond words.
Selfishly I wish you could have known her today for a thousand other reasons. All I can say though and continue to emphasize is this, she adored you beyond words and loves you always & forever.
So why tell you all of this? I think about this day a lot. There are many reasons why, some are my own. Others, one specifically, I want to share with you today.
On January 7th, 2014, your amazing, beautiful & loving grandmother (My mom) lost her 3 and a half year battle with cancer.
When I say she loved you, I'm not properly expressing how much she adored you. The fact that she was not only able to meet you, but watch you grow, begin to talk & interact with you and see your first birthday is a blessing beyond words.
Selfishly I wish you could have known her today for a thousand other reasons. All I can say though and continue to emphasize is this, she adored you beyond words and loves you always & forever.
So again, why all of this? Because, after we lost your Gram, I went to a bit of a dark place for a period of time. Not as dark as previous times in my life (as you may have read by now, if not you may at some point). It had been a LONG time since I experienced a loss like this.
Without getting too deep into it, you & your brother kept my head above water and saved me. You see, the first few months after your Gram's passing, I just kind of went through most days in a blur...."working". But when I was at home with you & your mom, my world was clear and full of love. Understand that your mom is my rock on a multitude of levels, but YOU, you create a drive within me that I didn't know could ever exist. My purpose, my being, my every breath is fully understood in my eyes now that I have you and your brother and that is what kept me afloat those 4-5 months after her passing. I'll write to Kellan separately regarding this but understand that you both saved me. He was the one that finally snapped me out of my funk but you, without a doubt kept me going and I'm eternally grateful for you and what you've meant for me in this life.
Olivia, someday you may read this some of my other posts. You'll learn a lot about me, who I am, what I've been through and how I try to take it all in and learn from it. Don't ever be afraid or embarrassed to talk to me about ANYTHING. You may go through things, specifically mentally, that at times are both frustrating & confusing at the same time.
You are not alone and as long as I'm here on this earth, I am here for you.
Know that although you, your brother Kellan & your Mom are my world, daddy & daughter will always be it's own piece of my heart that nothing else will ever touch and you don't know it yet but you changed my life in ways that I could have never dreamed of.
Without getting too deep into it, you & your brother kept my head above water and saved me. You see, the first few months after your Gram's passing, I just kind of went through most days in a blur...."working". But when I was at home with you & your mom, my world was clear and full of love. Understand that your mom is my rock on a multitude of levels, but YOU, you create a drive within me that I didn't know could ever exist. My purpose, my being, my every breath is fully understood in my eyes now that I have you and your brother and that is what kept me afloat those 4-5 months after her passing. I'll write to Kellan separately regarding this but understand that you both saved me. He was the one that finally snapped me out of my funk but you, without a doubt kept me going and I'm eternally grateful for you and what you've meant for me in this life.
Olivia, someday you may read this some of my other posts. You'll learn a lot about me, who I am, what I've been through and how I try to take it all in and learn from it. Don't ever be afraid or embarrassed to talk to me about ANYTHING. You may go through things, specifically mentally, that at times are both frustrating & confusing at the same time.
You are not alone and as long as I'm here on this earth, I am here for you.
Know that although you, your brother Kellan & your Mom are my world, daddy & daughter will always be it's own piece of my heart that nothing else will ever touch and you don't know it yet but you changed my life in ways that I could have never dreamed of.
No job, no career, no amount of money could ever equal what you have already given me and in such a short period of time. I can't imagine my life without you and every single day that I'm on this beautiful earth with you I will do everything in my power to help you learn, love & live the best life you can.
I just hope that someday when I have to leave you to finish this journey that we started together that you understand how much you have and will always mean to me during my life. I will love you until the end of time and never lose sight of that hunny. I am always and forever with you.
I love you Olive,
Love Dada
I just hope that someday when I have to leave you to finish this journey that we started together that you understand how much you have and will always mean to me during my life. I will love you until the end of time and never lose sight of that hunny. I am always and forever with you.
I love you Olive,
Love Dada
