Dear Dan A. Turner

***I want to be clear, with all the recent parent shaming that’s been going on about some of the recent events in the news…..THIS IS NOT MEANT IN THAT FASHION IN ANY WAY. I’m not into parent shaming in any way shape or form nor condone it. I think once you read through this in its entirety, you’ll see what the point of this post is truly about.***

First, let me address the letter above and specifically address Brock's dad, Dan.

I realize first that, in the grand scheme of life, I have been a father for a grain of sand’s  worth of time compared to you. I also understand that I cannot relate to you in regards to seeing a child of mine go through a court trial, be convicted, and serve a prison sentence. Because of this I want to feel for you and your family - I really do - but I now find myself not being able to and it bothers me.

It bothers me more because of the ‘why’ that has presented itself. The letter from you about your son and his case is absolutely baffling to me.

How can I say that? Because, although for a fraction of time, I am in fact a father. Based on what I've read online and watched on TV, it looks like you also have multiple children, one of which is female.

Your letter combined with these facts is what troubles me.

Should you be reading this, I want to walk you through this for a moment.

Close your eyes and picture the victim. She’s out with her sibling and some friends, enjoying herself. Maybe hitting up a couple parties, laughing, dancing, and perhaps drinking - as young college kids do -  it’s possible that you did the same when you were young.

Picture her  happy, healthy, and  without a care in the world blowing off some steam because of the insurmountable pressures that today's society/the world puts on to her on a daily basis. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with her doing this and you cannot convince me otherwise.

She's laughing, having fun and enjoying her night. Then suddenly she awakes the next day  in a strange place, with no idea how she got there and with no sisterhood to be found. She feels strange and realizes that she is covered in dirt and grime from head to toe. She is battered and bloodied in various ways and places. She is confused, scared and alone. Then she is prodded, poked, tested, swabbed, photographed etc. etc....the list goes on. This is all the "help" she's receiving while fully conscious the night after she had been prodded, poked, cut, bloodied and various other descriptive disgusting words.

There she is, alone, selflessly wondering where her sister is and if she is ok. Confused, scared and broken.

Now, and this is the key, keep your eyes closed.....

Picture your daughter as the one standing there trying to figure things out.....

How does that make you feel? Tell me that you can now write the letter about your son's "20 minute action". BTW, it's rape....if you're struggling to find the word, it's RAPE.

R     A    P    E.

So here's why I'm writing this. I have a son and daughter. Both ends of the spectrum.

Look, I don't fault you for the unconditional love you express for your son. That's how parents should always love their children, unconditionally.

But let's be clear, we're not talking about your son coming out as gay, or denouncing a certain religion, pursuing a career that you prefer them not to.....we're talking about a crime, specifically, RAPE.

I will always and forever love my children unconditionally as well. But this is where you and I part ways. You see, I was raised by parents that taught me from right and wrong. Was our relationship perfect? NO, not at all.

Yet they still did a hell of a job (in my humble opinion) of raising an honest, respectable human. They also, on a number of occasions, made it clear how much I should respect (much bigger list mind you, these are the obvious ones) the folllowing:

-My parents
-My Elders
-Women
-Animals
-Children
Why do I say this? Well they always made it clear that there were certain choices I could make in my life where the results of those choices would be my own to live with.

If I had done something like your son, my parents of course would still love me. They would not, however, defend in anyway shape or form shortening my sentence/punishment and would have let the law & legal system set the tone for that.

Which is how I plan to raise my children. Do I want to see them ever go to jail? No. Will I ever write a letter such as yours should my son ever do something as this heinous act? NO.

I will try my darnedest to be there for him in every way that I can, but I also realize that he needs to know the consequences for his actions. Specifically for the big ones should he decide to go down that path.

We live in a society that passes the buck, ignores their own failures, and twists truths to make themselves feel better all too often.

My wife and I realize that for our little family, that ends with us. Our children will be raised to own their mistakes, to respect all life on this planet and to face their decisions (good or bad) head on.

I'm sorry that your son's "20 minutes" will ruin the 20 years he has already lived and possibly the rest of his life -  BUT you're missing the key other half of this – and that is what the victim so eloquently stated in her letter to your son.

(link to it is right here if you need to freshen up on the content of it https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?u...)

Her.

She is also ruined. Ruined not by HER choices, but by your SON’S choices. Not be HER actions, you’re your SON’S actions.

 So, again, I ask you to close your eyes and replace this victim with your own wife/daughter/mother etc....

Do you still feel the need to write the letter you wrote? Don't bother to answer, I don't need it.


To all of the victim shamers – and I group the defendants lawyers into this based on some of the questions I've read that they had the BALLS to ask the victim.

STOP.

Rape is Rape.

Consent is in fact, consent. (Here is a video from our British friends from across the pond for you watch if words are troubling for you: https://youtu.be/Gp6alIALDHA)

I don't care if the victim stated 10 minutes before the event that they were "into it", if at the last moment they are in fact NOT. Consent no longer exists. If the victim is unconscious for various reason, THOSE REASONS DON'T MATTER, they're unconscious and therefore cannot consent to said moment.

Whatever illogical reasoning you all come up with (attire, words, etc.), none of it is valid.

Rape is Rape, Consent is still Consent.

My son will know this and know it well. Yes, that’s an understatement.

I plan to, at some point later in their lives, show both my children both yours and the victim’s letters. I hope by doing so, it will lead to a logical, educated discussions about rape and consent. Why? Because I'm a dad and unconditionally love my children and want them to know as soon as possible that their actions affect more than they can begin to fathom. And that they don’t just affect them, but those around them as well. That things they do and choices they make touch their families, their friends, their colleagues etc. etc.

My wife & I will always love our children and be there for them. We will not however, pass the buck, make excuses to “get through a difficult time".

Why? Because, we love our children and always will. So we will teach them well, and act accordingly should our teachings fall to the wayside. That’s our job.

I truly hope your family can find peace someday but I find it difficult to believe based on your letter above and the statements I've read from your son that will be possible. Shirking responsibility tends to lead people down roads they rarely come back from. I hate to make any decision about a person or group of people (your family in this case) without actually knowing them......
 
with that said...

Sometimes actions and words (both spoken and  written) tell you all you need to know.