Man, Husband & Father...

I recently came across (on Social Media of course, shocking I know...) some mind boggling comments either directly or indirectly from "Husbands/Dads".

Why the Quotation Marks?

I'm glad you asked.

When I see asinine comments that set our entire generation back about 50-60 years all I can do is just shake my head. (From both sexes BTW....not just the men)

Now I have an avenue where I can turn the head shaking into actually commentary....SOOOooo.....

Let's begin.

First, the Men.

How in THE HELL are there "MEN" out there today who still think that marriage = a woman who does everything for them? And/or for the kids should you decide to start a family....

And honestly guys, for the love of god don't have kids unless you plan on doing it all WITH your partner. If you're not going to get your hands dirty and do every aspect of what it means to be a dad then don't become one.

"But Ryan, I work 50-60 hours a week. I shouldn't have to..."

Don't even fucking think about finishing that sentence.....

What in gods name do you think your partner does all damn day? Honestly.... Oh you're going to tell me some dumb ass theory about the easy day they just had.....

Ok let me give you the real version from what I see in my relationship with my wife...

She's self employed, and is literally working all day in and around taking care of the kids until our sitter arrives and then she actually dedicates her time to you know, working with her FULL attention on the work that she needs to get done.

THEN whenever the sitter leaves, typically anywhere between 3 & 4pm, she then continues working WHILE taking care of & watching the kids AND making dinner most nights.

For all the ass clowns out there who just began to think to themselves..... "See....cooking....that's what they sho...."

No seriously....walk out side, find a good piece of pavement and go bounce your forehead off of it until you actually understand what you're about to say.....out loud......ON PURPOSE.....

Due to MY schedule, she starts cooking dinner on average 2-3 days a week because if she didn't, we wouldn't be eating until almost 7-7:30pm most nights as I have an hour commute to and from work and I don't always leave at the time I want to (We still sometimes eat that late btw).

The other nights, I offer to pick something up and help and/or do all the cooking. I recognize what I'm good at and not as good at. She's better cooking on the stove BUT if we're using the grill.....NO ONE TOUCHES IT EXCEPT THIS GUY......Making breakfast for dinner? We'll cook together most of the time because its fun and WE enjoy it.....wow that's a crazy idea.

The point of all of this is simple (and no ass clowns, it's not me trying to brag. I don't think I'm doing anything exceptional nor do I deserve any gratitude) is to say a big "WAKE THE FUCK UP" to anyone who thinks and acts like this.

I don't care if they have full time corporate jobs, are self employed or stay at home moms.....they all work just as hard if not harder than every one of us.

Think about it, at work you at least get (even for 5 minutes) periodic breaks. When you're a stay at home parent (Key word being PARENT....cause the roles CAN be reversed as well), you're ON from the moment you wake up until they go down for bed for the night. Some would say "what about naps?" sure once in a while I bet they take breaks (and I hope so to keep their sanity) BUT most of the time you're doing various other chores that need to get done.

Also, for any women who may be reading this, don't just assume that you're not guilty either (cause ya are but that may be for another post).

The main point obviously is the "Gents" in this post but the reality is there always tends to be this underlying "This Sex is Better than the Other" mentality when it comes to relationships in general.....

STOP IT...

Sure, are there times I could do more and but I don't and get lazy...YES of course. I'm human and no it's not because I'm a man either....I've seen plenty of women over the years be JUST as lazy as I have ever been.

My final few points are simple:

1) WE are all in this together, hence the word WE
2) Guys who think because you put some hours into a job that your responsibilities end there....either don't get married and become a dad OR ACT LIKE THE HUSBAND/FATHER YOU NEED TO BE. It literally is that simple guys
3) Take care of each other. Do things that you don't have to for each other because you BOTH are exhausted and BOTH WORK HARD....It's not a contest, you're in it together!
4) Ladies, the short version of this.....stop being so negative towards men with your generic assumptions & statements.....why would we EVER want to break the cycle if we're always assumed to be useless pig headed pieces of crap....Put it into this perspective for you, if you were at work and your management/boss continued to (directly & indirectly) talk about how useless & idiotic you were, how motivated would you be to continue working for them? Don't bother answer....I already know. I'll write about this more in depth in another post but you get the point ladies.....Believe it or not we actually enjoy & need positive reinforcement. It's nice to hear once in a blue moon that we're good men, husbands & fathers etc...
5) Guys, learn to communicate. Look I know, it's hard. From day one of boyhood all the way through adulthood, we're told, NO....WE HAVE IT ENGRAINED IN OUR HEADS that MEN have to be tough, strong, firm and hard working and in my mind, borderline emotionless.....

Now I agree with some of it to a certain level BUT I've thought a lot about this over the years and here's the conclusion I've come to....

Taking that mentality at a 100% fact has not entirely worked for previous generations (when I say that I mean literally centuries BTW), so it's time WE BREAK THE CYCLE. It's time to define being a man in different ways than what has been previously brainwashed into us and society.

I don't care what people think. I just don't. I'll admit, it may be easier for me to be like that because if my family and friends said tomorrow that they disagree with me and refused to talk to me again because of this blog, I know because I have my gorgeous wife who supports me in this journey and two beautiful crazy kids who love me unconditionally. That gives me peace in knowing that this stuff needs to be put out there and if personal sacrifices come from it, so be it. There are things in this universe bigger than ourselves and when we can learn to remove ourselves from the equation and look at things from a different perspective on a regular basis you'll find an inner peace & strength that you didn't know could exist.

I'm explaining this because I know while writing this there are probably men & women thinking "what a wuss" or "he's so weak".....The funny part is, that mentality just reinforces why I'm right.

I'm extremely happy and in touch with myself, my feelings  & thoughts that I want to communicate them. Both internally to myself & to my beautiful wife. I also want to communicate them externally to all of you because again, the previous methods for dealing with feelings, relationships and everything else we've discussed in this post truly hasn't been working.

What's the definition of insanity again???.....

So when does the cycle change?

My recommendation is to STOP waiting for it to happen. Why not start with yourself (and although this post is focused on the Guys, this goes for everyone).

Begin to be the break in the cycle and see where it takes you in this life. You might be pleasantly surprised what you find when you come out on the other side....