Guys can FEEL & STRUGGLE TOO.....

Look gentlemen, and right now I use that term loosely, we all need to wake the fuck up.

Wow, what a way to start a post....well, it's the truth. Please understand before you close your computer and say to yourself "To hell with him", I'm writing this from experience.

Let me start off by asking you all a question. Where does all of this "Man up"..."Be a Man"...."Suck it up" (I could go on and on) come from?

And honestly, can someone define what those mean for me? For me, I define it by poor communication, terrible relationships, shallow personal development and pretty much the EXACT opposite of what I now think of as a "Man" in today's world.

Think about it, some of us have this image of manhood depicted by what/who? Previous generations that were stuck in a mentality of "Man provides, woman in kitchen.".....and then some level of that gets passed down from generation to generation until one of you/us out there decides to break the cycle. This generally only occurs because some other Father/Guy figure in your life (whether intentional or not) taught you this OR you're one of those unique individuals that just came to realize on your own the "Man" you want to be.

So what is this version of a "Man" that I keep referring to?

He's someone that is first & foremost in touch with himself on multiple levels. Mentally, Physically, EMOTIONALLY (OH MY GOD HE SAID EMOTIONS) and is generally more self aware than the average individual.

Mentally-He is capable of formulating his own thoughts while aggregating information to make effective, informed decisions. He uses history (others & his own) to grow as an individual, identifying a different path he wants to take unique from others. He's also, no matter what, confident in his path no matter what may be said.

Physically-he's confident in himself and doesn't focus on the endless amounts of BS out there regarding his body and what it should/shouldn't look like. He realizes how HE is comfortable and focuses on that. Whether he's going to the gym or has a dad bod, he's comfortable in his own skin. More importantly, he also realizes his physically well being isn't just about him. Once he has others he's responsible for he needs to do his best to make sacrifices to be as healthy as possible as long as possible because the ones that love him, LOVE him and want him around as long as possible.

EMOTIONALLY- (Here we go, he's going to tell me to cry) Ya well, it wouldn't freak'n hurt to show some emotion. If you're not one to cry, then don't but that doesn't mean you can't at least voice emotion. Verbalize it if that's your path but this mentality of "SUCK IT UP, you're a guy" is FUCKING BULLSHIT. My apologies for the language but I need get this point across. A MAN today for me, is defined by someone who top to bottom, inside and out, is in touch with who he is and is 1000% comfortable being that person. Emotion is a big piece for me. I've witnessed both in close family members and distant individuals/acquaintances the lacking in this department and what it translates to.

Over the years it turns confident, firm, strong individuals into push overs who never speak their minds and just take all the words spoken (good & bad) without every sharing their feelings.

First, HOW CAN ANY PERSON LIVE LIKE THAT?! Second, forget being a "Man" for a second, how is that even being a human???? How is holding back your emotions (good & bad) a good thing? What's the point of being human at that point. It's no way to live and more importantly, the underlying bigger issue, how many guys out there (at least according to the news, take that for what it's worth) go off the deep end? If you let all of life just build up, never exhausting any of the feelings that life sends your way, it'll eventually catch up to you.

I personally believe that (and believe me, I have a LONG way to go myself) being a man is about being a human that is in touch with the inner & outer self. Someone who isn't afraid to cry, share his emotions and at the same time not be afraid to communicate (appropriately) with the people in his life. Specifically significant others. Communication and being open with yourself first, then the ones you love make the relationships so much stronger

I bring this up because for the most part, I express myself with both the good & the bad. The thing is though, no matter how good you may be with this I've discovered that we need to continue to be self aware. When my mom passed 2 years ago I had been a person very in touch with my feelings, strong at the right moments but never afraid to show my emotion at least with my wife at the right moments.

Flash forward to about April of 2014 and I suddenly realized I had been internalizing everything. Complete opposite of who I had worked so hard to become. Was I being manly? Showing my toughness? No....All I was doing was internalizing my pain and I suddenly found myself bursting at the seams one day. Everything was clearly starting to show it's ugly head externally. I won't get into the details but in a matter of a couple weeks it was clear that my emotions were suddenly rearing their ugly head both at work & at home. It was an awakening that I'm grateful for. For one, I suddenly realized, almost over night, I was not who I enjoyed being. With in a matter of a couple weeks, I'd soon find out that my wife & I would be expecting our second child.

What a perfect time to have it all come back together. For many though, we continue to kid ourselves and tell ourselves everything is ok. Don't. Be honest with yourself. Stop kidding yourselves. If you want to truly learn how to become a man then first focus on your inner and outer self.

If you can't find that inner peace & confidence, how will you find it with others in your life. If you know you don't communicate, then work on it. If you bottle up your feelings, stop. It doesn't make you tougher, it makes you difficulty to deal with. If you don't show emotion, stop. It doesn't make you tough/manly etc, it makes you cold & heartless.

Think, be and feel. Do that and suddenly you'll find yourself not thinking about being a "Man"...

You'll find yourself being a Husband, Father and overall good HUMAN being. Be in touch with yourself & your emotions. When it's appropriate, don't shy away from the tears. It is a release of who you are.

As my good friend (and brother from another mother) Lee Elias said to me...

"Boys don't cry, men do"

They certainly do.